April is Here

A Better Month

April is upon us already. Each month, I am always shocked that another month has passed so quickly, and my progress is always slower than I would like. I guess that's the sloth in me, always trying so hard to make it up and down the tree but doing it at a snail's pace, no matter how hard I try. But I will continue to climb up and down my tree, keeping my life moving forward slowly but surely, because each time I climb my tree, I go a little higher, see a little more of the sunshine through the canopy. That's one of the biggest things I've learned recently is that yes, I will fall and fail, but if I can continue to just climb a little higher after each failure, eventually I will be in the sunshine again. Eventually, all that I am doing will click and pay off, the bright future I have always worked so hard for will come to be.

Streams and Things

Still no streams to my sadness, but this is why I said I was not coming back full-time, that I would not have a schedule. Where I live continues to work hard to make sure I can't stream, with the days I'm not working being filled with power outages, network outages, and all the bullshit I mentioned in my last blog. It is extremely frustrating, though I do admit that if everything could just work out, that would be great. I came back to streaming because I miss the community and friends, so I would like to get a stream in again sooner rather than later. Who knows, maybe today will be the day the stars align, and I can go live. Plans are still in motion for discord, youtube, kofi, etsy…. so many plans, so little time.

Decisions

Sometimes in life, some of the hardest decisions you have to make are the most necessary. Recently, I have come to feel more and more sure about one thing. Be around those, and want to be around those who want to be around me. Some people tell me they want to be around, or want me to be around, but at the end of the day, they really don't want that. As I get older, I learn more and more how people say things that they think you want to hear, not their true feelings. They do this to placate you, to appease you, or sometimes to just outright fool you, and sometimes I don't even know why they do it. There's an old saying my friends and I would repeat when growing up, "You don't have to lie to kick it". All I want out of this life anymore is to grow old with those I love, play some games with friends from around the world, make some art that brings joy to people, and leave my daughter's life better than I had ever hoped I could. I don't want mind games, I don't want to be used for anything by anyone anymore. I will not let myself devolve into a cynical old man, but I will also stop being so naive. I will find that balance between the two, sooner or later.

Final Conclusions

Now that I got that off my chest, let me finish this blog up with a couple of quick things. YouTube videos will be returning soon. Audio is still on the fritz, but is being worked on when I can. Streams will be live as soon as the stars align for it. Many have asked me, and no, I don't own Crimson Desert. The price is too high for me, but if someone wants to gift it to me, it's on my wishlist. I won't stop ya. But in all seriousness, no matter how happy I am when I can stream and most days I am in a happy mood, I am by no means stable enough financially to buy Crimson Desert or even afford a haircut currently. But it is ok. I am alive, I am not homeless. I have lived through so much worse in my life, there is no obstacle I can't overcome. So I continue to climb that tree for another week and hopefully next week I will have something more interesting to write about.

Thank you for reading the rantings of a sloth. Have a wonderful week, and hope to see you all soon!

Sloth General Aveege