It’s Been Awhile

July is here!

Hello everyone, it has been a while since I made one of these blog posts and with all that has happened in my life this last month with my breakup and the big change in my life I figured this would be a good time to revive this blog and start sharing my inner thoughts with you all. As some know by my last discord post I am going to be making my return to streaming, but not just that I am going to be returning to my love of content creation. Content creation gave me such joy and happiness and was the first time in my life I actually felt like I was doing what I was meant to be doing. Sadly, I allowed negativity that was around me to rub off on me and poison my life and my thinking and I accept full responsibility for my failures. All I can do is move forward from here with what I have learned and try to continue to make a better life for me and give somewhere for you all to come and be a part of a community that so many of you have loved over the years. I'll get back to that later on.

What kind of content should I make?

Over the years I have tried my hand at a variety of content from streaming, YouTube videos, VirtualPhotography photos and such and I heavily debated going back to Fallout 76 for my return but I think I am going to try a different approach. As much fun as I had in Fallout 76 there is a lot of heavy emotions tied to that game for me and I don't think I can approach the game with the happiness I want while gaming and I don't want to be going backwards. I want to move forward in my life. So where does that leave me? This is a good question and it would be a lie to say I know my exact road forward, I do not. What I do know is that I'm going to explore what feels right and have fun doing it. There will be building streams, gaming streams, daytime streams, nighttime streams, I'm giving myself the freedom to try different things and find my groove again rather than locking myself into a box. I'm looking forward to getting in some game time again because it is something I have really been missing these last few months with almost no game time happening. If anyone has any gaming suggestions feel free to comment below, or just share what game has your interest these days? With that let's transition to a more serious topic.

ADHD, RSD and an Apology (Mental Health Talk Trigger Warning)

Recently after my breakup I took some time to talk to someone and get a better understanding of my own brain and why I react and a lot of times over react to situations around me where I feel I have been rejected. When I was 6 years old my dad came and dropped off a GI-Joe toy and that was the last time I saw him. He didn't die, he just moved on with his life without me and my mom. Deep down I always felt like if my dad didn't want me why would anyone ever want me. Fast forward to me and my daughter's mom breaking up and her taking my daughter to Michigan. Another deep felt rejection and with the loss of my family a healthy dose of trauma. Combined with my existing ADHD, it paved the way for me to develop RSD unbeknownst to me, which didn’t help with my recent relationship. It has been a good thing to learn about myself.

So I want to apologize to anyone reading this that ever felt like I reacted harshly to you over what I might have perceived as a rejection. It was nothing you did wrong, the fault lies entirely with me and my way of thinking. Now that I know this I have really been seeing things in a different light. It has really brought a sense of relief and an understanding to my daily life. Knowing why my brain overreacts the way it does to certain situations has helped me from reacting to the triggers around me and brought a sense of peace. It's been an eye opening experience for me, it really has. Also, this explains why I streamed the way I did and always tried to make everyone feel important who came into my channel and never wanted anyone else to feel rejected and why I could connect with people like I did. I am excited to get back to it and be a beacon of hope and positivity for others who might also be suffering from their own problems or even RSD itself.

Final Conclusion

Half of this year is over but I am feeling a whole new breath of life and am excited to share my life with you all again. I know there will be moments I slip or fall, but I will always get back up. In the end I am a survivor and I am determined to live a happy life and not let yesterday get me down. As a wise saying goes "Let go of the past or you'll never have a future". Thank you for taking some time to get into the mind of Aveege and read this blog.

-Aveege